After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
