So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
