sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
