You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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