Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
