You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
