I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
