Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
