Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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