i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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