You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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