I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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