happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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