no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
