we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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