I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
