Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
