Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
