with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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