Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
