evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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