im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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