Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Even my vagina gasped.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
