My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
