oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
