i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize