I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
