im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
