I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize