so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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