Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
