well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
