It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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