Sponge bath it is.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
