im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
