brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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