yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Randomize