writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
