i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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