how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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