Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
