I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
