life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
