i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
