I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
