I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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