Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
