a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he puts the penis in happiness.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
