Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
please don't ironically join a cult
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