He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
