I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
