Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
