I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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