Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
