i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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