I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
