She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
