it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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