He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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