Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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