I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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