I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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