Will you blow on my dice?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
