I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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