just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
