In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
