dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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