I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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